Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm too high and old for this...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
