Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
