i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
