i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
