so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
