I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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