my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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