So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think your dad took our porno
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
