i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
