Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
