I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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