I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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