...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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