Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
