Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
