Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
