So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
