are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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