That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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