and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
did i just pee glitter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
