If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
