I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
