remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
