she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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