Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
