So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
