That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
