Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
