Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
