the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
