what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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