My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
