careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
