i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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