He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
