living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
