i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
