You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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