So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Please don't give away my fajitas
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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