you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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