What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
