I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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