I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
