I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
