yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
