Tell her she can't have a vagina
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
