Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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