yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
