were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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