how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
