Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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