pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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