i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
