Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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