its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
