So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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