i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
