i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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