I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sobbing to NWA
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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