worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
