This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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