i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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