and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The uberlube is also flammable
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
