9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
