he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
